Author: Steve McCurrach

Brian Eaton who has been avoiding full membership, has become the undisputed winner of the September 'Wally of the Week Award'. He was on late finals for a beach landing at Umdloti, when he suddenly changed his mind about the grass verge and opted for the beach itself. Upon traversing the fringe of shrubs he found an unfortunate lady suntanner in his path. This was the only individual on this otherwise empty beach.

With a look resembling that of a non-swimmer about to go through a car windscreen, she started wheelspinning with desperate intent to avoid certain death by slicing, at which time Brian was commencing his evasive action routine which comprised of about 4 arse splitting strides. Each one imprinting at least 12 inches deep into the sand whilst gassing the engine full blast in some misguided belief that height is safety. However, what Brian had overlooked in his tunnel-visioned reaction was that he'd also applied full deflection to the right in his attempt to avoid the now seriously panicked suntanner. With the result, that on completion of a beautiful, ultra low level, hook turn, he was now downwind and with the 'Down Wind Demon' sucking at him with intent. He accomplished at least 2 very, very, impressive arse-renting leaps before skidding to rest, face down in the shore break.

Now that's not all. Any of you familiar with the hand controlled throttle device of a PPG will appreciate that when you instinctively put your hands out to break a fall and you're holding a throttle, you've got trouble, and that's exactly what he had. His fist buried itself in the sand, unavoidably applying full throttle, such that all that could be seen from the road was a great spray of sand and water and very little of Brian.

Brian at this time had the main airframe pressed hard against the back of his head and his mouth in the sand, the engine screamed, sending sand and spray everywhere.

He eventually delivered himself, well-salted and spitting sand to the now thoroughly traumatised and bemused suntanner to apologise. Which I thought was a brave touch for a man who had so recently deposited at least 2 spoonfuls of putty in his pants, along with the shore-dump sea-sand which was surely there as well.

Brian we'll be sending you your 'Nxuze Award' along with a free tube of a soothing salve that's great for grinding rash.

Cheers for Now
Steve McCurrach